I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
