how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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