Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
