my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
