Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize