Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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