Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i used baking grease as lip gloss
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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