Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
