new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
