So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize