Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize