would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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