Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize