I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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