u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
