Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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