moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize