she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
