I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
