Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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