Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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