I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
