its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
