Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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