We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
