Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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