I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
