is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
