I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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