Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
