it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
