I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
