Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
