Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
