I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
