Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
accomplished twins. life is a go
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
