you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
