Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
