Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
