Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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