Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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