I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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