I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
