Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
