Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i now understand why vodka
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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