Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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