but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
