I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
