Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
