Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
