ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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