you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
