you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
