I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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