dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
