She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
