that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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