I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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