i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
