Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
