I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
