dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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