Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
