o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
