My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Randomize
