how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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