He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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