I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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