Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
