I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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