I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
