I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
