so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
