I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
