She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My dick has a subreddit
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
