im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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