I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize