how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dick very happy bro
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
